Warning: This is not a motivational post, instead it’s about fucking up.

This isn’t even a sports post. If you know the story behind this photograph you will know it’s not about glory, or achieving the goal after hard work and dedication, it’s not about the victor in any way… it’s about fucking up, it’s about losing it all on the biggest stage possible, it’s about letting your actions of anger, pain, and lack of control take over and destroy your hard work and what/who you wanted most.

This picture is of France National Football player, Zinedine Zidane walking past the World Cup trophy after being sent off (ejected) in the World Cup Final in one of the most baffling self-implosions…

Quick background:

World Cup Final, Berlin, Germany, 2006, France vs Italy. The final game of the tournament that only happens every 4 years, in other words there is no bigger sporting stage. France’s Zinedine Zidane (pictured) was one of the greatest players to ever grace a football (soccer) field. The perfect blend of elegance, vision, and technical skill. He was like silk and power in one. Highly decorated with winning the 1998 Ballon d’Or (award for best football player in world), 3-time FIFA World Player of the Year, and World Cup winner 1998 with France.

Here is where it gets JUICY…

Zidane scored first for France in the 7^th minute of the game and then in the 19^th minute Italy’s Marco Materazzi scored to make the score 1-1.

In the 110^th minute of the game (Regular time is 90 minutes and Extra Time is 30 minutes) meaning there was 10 minutes left in the game tied 1-1… Zidane and Italy’s Materazzi got into a mild altercation (Materazzi pulled on Zidane’s jersey), the pair exchanged words, and then the ever-poised and stoic like Zidane stopped, turned to face Materazzi and headbutted him square in the chest with force. 10 minutes left in the biggest game in the world… 10 minutes… and he headbutts him!

I was 25 years old at the time and completely stunned, it’s similar to the calm and collected Tim Duncan from the San Antonio Spurs throwing an elbow in the NBA Finals and being ejected. Zidane received his red card with his marching orders from the referee as the antagonist Materazzi laid on the ground. Zidane gave no theatrical explanation of any unjust like we see so often in football. He accepted the punishment and walked calmly off the pitch.

The picture of Zidane walking past the World Cup trophy is chilling to me. All he had worked for, his teammates, and his country behind him all to implode in the last 10 minutes. I first said to myself “what the hell did Materazzi say to Zidane, it must have been really bad”… well after scouring for articles online (many in French and Italian) it wasn’t, it was juvenile at best.

Both Zidane and Materazzi seem to stick to this version throughout the years from what I have gathered: 

Materazzi said that they had a couple of contact plays in the game before the 110^th mark but on the third clash he had pulled on Zidane’s shirt,Zidane said “I’ll give you my shirt later”

Materazzi replied “I’d rather have your sister than your shirt”

Zidane then headbutted him.

Of course, what Materazzi said was inappropriate, but to think those WORDS in that moment would make one of the greatest players ever turn into a headbutting juggernaut just doesn’t make sense. I dug a little deeper and found where Zidane said that his mother was in the hospital during the World Cup and that members of the Italian team had said things about his family during the game, but Zidane later said that Materazzi only said something about his sister not his mother. There are many who believed that Materazzi called Zidane a “terrorist” based on Zidane’s parents being Algerian. Like most things, I think the only people who truly know what was said on that fateful night is Zidane and Materazzi.

In an interview years after Zidane described himself as fragile at this stage in his career and his apology went link this: “I want to ask for forgiveness from all the children who watched that. There was no excuse for it. I want to be open and honest about it.” Then the line that opens back up the wound…“I do apologise but I don’t regret my behaviour because regretting it would mean he was right to say what he said.”

Sadly, this would be Zidane’s last game as a professional footballer, he had announced his retirement just before the World Cup had started, how’s that for a bad taste in your mouth.

I was going to insert some smart comparison to a goat (the animal) headbutting like they do vs Zidane being a GOAT (Greatest of all Time) but I’m not… or did I…

Back to now, the right now… 

What can we learn from this? What life HACKS can I give you from this? Absolutely fucking none. This is your life, your feelings, and your actions.

I can however, tell you how I relate to this moment in time, not because I have played in a World Cup Final or that I am French with feet forged by angels, but because I have lost so many valuable things and people in my life because I have let feelings like pride, ego, and anger win when I feel threatened, attacked, or hurt.

At 42 years old I am still walking past that ‘trophy’ like Zidane did but it gets lonelier, harder, and more frustrating each time.

However, unlike Zidane this isn’t my last game and this is how I intend to play my next play…

My goal is to progress (not a change she says; but a progression).

Here is how:

1. Stop trying to avoid those feelings or pretend that they don’t exist when they rise. We feel feelings for a reason. The reason isn’t to act out like a raging fucking tiger (even though it feels good sometimes doing it).
2. We need to find out the reason why we feel these feelings if we can (research but don’t ruminate).
3. Acknowledge the origin but not to blame, not to say well I am insecure because this person left me, or I am angry because someone hurt me and never apologized. That is colossal waste of your fucking time, trust me I know very well.
4. Next, we need to develop the mental tools to be able to help stay in the moment and see things for what they really are. This where that pause and delay becomes useful so we can make the best move for us instead of that rushed primal inclination.

Writer and philosopher Alan Watts once said “There are no wrong feelings, there may be wrong reactions but no wrong feelings”. First time I heard that I said bollocks, of course there are wrong feelings! Ever heard of murder Alan!

But the more I listened and read on his philosophy on feelings I started to understand that our feelings are natural and to ignore or suppress them is the true danger, because it leads to moments like Zidane’s or my many stupid decisions in anger. We can’t bottle it up, we must feel it and then make a decision to act in the best way possible.

Ask yourself this… When has forcing got you what you want? Forcing into the merge lane on the highway? Yeah ok, but forcing your feelings on someone or trying to force what they feel to what you want… it is like sailing against the wind, you will just end up where you started but pissed off and exhausted.

Zidane’s anger wasn’t at that one comment or even at Materazzi himself, it was the suppressing of his feelings he had all game, all tournament, all year. I don’t know what they were exactly but I do know a frustrated blow up when I see one.

I believe every feeling we have is natural. Ultimately our struggle isn’t with other people it is with ourselves and our own issues that we are not addressing. When we ignore the feeling, we lose control and it becomes dangerous.

You acted out of character… they say… it’s not like him or her… really? I call bullshit; it is exactly who you are because you acted exactly how you felt without any delay… and that is the problem. 

Okay at this stage maybe I am offering advice…sigh… Your action after what you feel determines the outcome. Our action not our feeling! So stop being afraid to feel it, open up who you are and feel that shit, the hurt, the pain, the jealousy, the anger, all of it! Acknowledge it, process it, pause, then act the action that are best for you and those who you love.

Remember, just because someone is not showing they are hurt or angry or ready to headbutt someone doesn’t mean they aren’t feeling like they want too. It means that they have chose for it to remain a feeling rather than carry it out as an action.

Reality:

Now… my favorite part… lets cut the shit, this is all easy to say after examining a situation, but how do we do it in the moment? We have read self-help books and heard speeches from self-professed gurus but the moment we are in a volatile situation and sped up we resort back to what we did before (my weekly). Well, that’s just it isn’t it? We resort back to what is our natural feelings!

Paul I mean ‘we’ have to stop running away from them or pretending we don’t feel them anymore. Instead when it happens stop trying to reinvent yourself or change, stop hitting the panic button and beating the living shit out of yourself… take note of what happened and prepare for how you want to act next time in a similar situation.

Experience is what helps us learn how to feel and then act. Remember these are natural feelings, you are not a “bad” person for feeling them, but your difference is made on how you act once you acknowledge, process, delay, and then act.

Why am I trying to tell you how to feel and act? I don’t think I am. I think all of this is for me more than it is for you.

By the by, Zidane went onto have an extremely successful coaching career with 3 Champions League Championships with Real Madrid. I just hope if someone ever decides to talk about his sister again, he keeps his head to himself (there is the smart witty line…boom).

– Love Scob