I feel nothing,
Absolutely nothing.
That’s a lie,
I do feel,
I feel numbness, I feel it all the time.
Numbness to everything,
To the eye, to the touch, to my soul.

I feel the moments around me,
Ones I have ached for,
Pass through my hands like sand,
Like I was never there.
I can only watch the moment in my mental replay,
As I anger that I never got to experience it,
I don’t know what the moment felt like,
Only the memory of what it may have.

I feel the emptiness of my gaze as I look at those I love and need,
I feel their confusion, fear, and hurt as they look back at me.

You ungrateful cunt,
I’m not ungrateful I swear!
I care deeply but I just can’t feel what I want to feel,
I can’t be where I need to be.

Please help me,
I don’t want life to pass me by,
I don’t care how long I have,
Even if it’s moments,
I just want to feel.

– scob