Have you met him?

Have you ever seen him?

Do you know of him?

He’s big and strong and can run like the wind!

He sits by me, rarely leaving my side,

but sometimes when he’s still he’s hard to find. 

He loves me, he’s loyal to me, like so many others that have not,

I can call him my best friend.

I feed him, sometimes too much and things that I should not…

the kids fuss at that

To that I say “he has a short life, let him live it with the good things and make it meaningful”.

They stay unamused.

I take him with me many places, many places I should not,

He protects me, he is the one that won’t leave me.

My black dog.

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Most mornings he wakes me as I struggle to get out of bed,

He’s so heavy as he sits on top of me, I just can’t get up.

I’m going to be late I tell him,

He cares not.

I don’t feel like moving, I don’t really care about much.

I pet him to ease the pain,

But I lay here still hating everything and every fucking one.

I know he has my back and he is loyal to me,

I love him and he loves me.

If someone was to come for me, 

If I was to feel attacked,

If someone hurts me, 

He will attack!

He will rip them to shreds, 

He will rip them.. the fuck apart.

My black dog.

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As I hurt yet another heart, 

With vicious words, defense, and attack.

My black dog is there for me when others are not

Fuck, he has ripped so much apart…

She looks at me behind teared eyes

“Can I meet him?” She asks

“Who” I said, feeling confused

“Your black dog” she said,

I looked at her with despair… “My dear… you already have”.

For all of us who have a black dog within us…

For the dark days and the darker nights please know that things will change, it will pass, please know it will pass. Take things one step at a time, if that means all you can manage somedays is to get up and brush your teeth, then do it, and the next day do a little bit more, but you must know that there are people who can and want to help. These are written on my bathroom mirror so I see them every morning I brush my teeth: “Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional” and “The devil can scrap but the lord has won”

I have lost so much and so many because I have constantly given into fear and hurt and let my black dog take over with his primal protective instinct and push those I care for far far away.

Understand that he is protecting you but you have to learn and teach that part of yourself how to accept pain and how to respond to hurt. This is a process but one you must learn.

Love,

Scob

P.S. – Tyson, the actual beautiful black dog pictured above is receiving all his royalties from this blog in bones and treats.